Have you ever seen an angry wet kaiila on a war path? That is exactly what I walked around the corner and directly into. It had two legs and beautiful eyes and two bandaged hands and .. was in the process of throwing a bucket of cold water all over me.
Now .. here was the very person I have been avoiding and upon seeing how angry she was I even pondered a moment skidding on a heel and making a run for it. There were just too many things that bubbled instantly to the surface and I had no idea how to get them into any semblance of order. The thought was brief however because my eyes barely had enough time to register and widen before the deluge hit me. It was what I needed though .. to shock me out of my own thought process which locks me up sometimes inside of my own head. And my lip curled itself into a familiar smirk .. a low chuckle starting to build deep in my chest as I wiped the excess water from my face as it tried to make rivulets down the length of my scars.
I started to speak .. "I did not go anywhere.. just" And that was when the bucket came sailing my way ..but I was expecting that one and caught in my hand before it had a chance to lay upside my head. And do not think for a moment that throwing things at me had any stifling effect on her tongue. No .. she was giving me a tongue lashing like we had been mated for twenty years. She words pinned my ears back and her little fists clenched as much as they could with those bandages on them. I suppose a better man would not have chuckled more and deeper.
But I am not a better man.
She shoved her burnt hands up under the curve of her breasts and arched a brow at me. She has no idea how beautiful she is when she is angry .. if she did she would withhold herself from me just to punish me. I am pleased she does not know because I would miss the sight of her like this.
I set the bucket down before I stepped closer .. tugging the leather gloves from my hands and tucking them into my belt as I watched her from the blackness of my own gaze. I touched the curve of the bone in her cheek with my calloused hands. "Do you want to hear this .. or would you rather I just sat and took it?" I meant that .. I deserved a trimming and if she meant to give me one I would sit and take it. But if she wanted to hear what I had to say I wanted her to have that .. not as any kind of excuse but I wanted her to understand me. Where I was at .. where my head was. But it was not as important as whatever it was that was going to bleed off some of her hurt and anger at me right at this moment. Well she chose to hear me out but I could tell she wanted nothing to do with my niceties and I better have some good words for her real soon or she was going to start in all over again trimming my hide down.
I was never really good at speaking up for myself. Usually I just tell it as it is and wait around to see if the Sky falls in or if someone connects to it. Using her own word for my action I said .. "It was a 'jerk' thing to do..it was not nice ... and I am not sorry."
Black gaze searched her eyes.. her features ... for any sign of her thinking I was a coward. Been there done that. I half expected her to accuse me of it .. though I had wagered all I had that she would hear me out and at least try to understand me. Not that I had any faith in it .. just betting on her for the pure hell of it.
She wanted to know what I meant by the words that I was not sorry. I told her that to say I am sorry for something means I would do something differently if given the choice again. And that was not something I could give her about this. I would make the same choice .. again.
She asked me why I left her behind .. well I had not really left her behind ... just a side trip that was all and I told her what I was up to .. basically without getting all dramatic about it. Odd thing was she seemed to be able to understand me instantly. To realize where I was at in my head .. the fears and concerns .. the rages and fevered tempers that had lapped against my conscious eroding my sanity. But here I was and here she was and .. she jumped into my arms and that was all it took. There was no more hesitation in me and I wrapped her up within the strength of my embrace.
There was only one thing left though before I could carry her into my wagon. I had to know .. I had to ask her after it all ... especially this ... if she was sure. If she had any second thoughts or doubts that this was where she belonged. Here with me .. come what may. Not all of it mature and considerate and thoughtful ... which I did not feel I needed to go into all that much considering she has been around me for a while.
If she always makes her choices known to me as she did then .. I will grow old and die a happy man.
Well I carried her into my wagon and threw her upon my furs and I was as happy as a tarsk in a pit of mud .. right up until it all started to hit me in a reality sort of way .. as in .... you can not just throw her into the slave wagon when you need a bit of space.
shit
What the hell was I going to do with all her stuff. How was I going to sleep with her next to me .. how was she going to sleep with me? I am not a quiet sleeper.
Speaking of sleeping .. furs ... sex...... children.
fuck
There was so much .. so many little pieces that needed to be fitted together like a puzzle.
A Fonce puzzle.
Clarity was like a sharp doubled edged blade glinting in the light of the fact that I had not planned anything out. So consumed with my inner turmoil that I had let the basic planning go all to hell.
And it all started to just fall out of my mouth .. the damn broken there was nothing to hold it back. But she did not shy away from the task .. she dug into it and started finding all the edge pieces and then filling in all the colors until we had a nice .. if not totally complete ... slightly bloody picture of our future. At least enough of a picture that I was not frothing at the mouth and having bone aching anxiety about adding this human to my life in a way I had not wrapped my head around yet.
We spoke for a long time. On so many subjects. They flowed in and out and lightly touched here and there .. the only thing to slow down the movement of our conversation was the touches between us. Hesitant .. exploring. As if we had never touched before. Possession put a new flavor on everything.
She was worried about one thing .. her tendency to lose her patience and act out .. as if something other than herself came over her and she knew only the need. Whatever that need may be at the time .. be it trimming my hide out of anger or the physical hungers I had awakened in her ... failing to sate them. I told her I did not mind. That .. today she had a right to be angry .. to vent... to question me. But never to assume I am something I strive so hard to avoid .. to accuse me without knowledge ... as that would cause a serious issue between us.
I think she understood.
