I do not believe a woman has ever permeated my conscious the way Seveya does. She colors all my thoughts .. my daily routines and I find her lurking around every new task I set for myself. I take her with me constantly. As if she were there physically .. I find myself making mental notes of all the things I wish to tell her about when we have the time to stop and recount our day. There is not as much of a separation when she is not there as there has been in the past with others. I do not feel abandoned when our responsibilities take us apart from each other. I do not feel as if I leave her or she leaves me at all. And when we come together after the tasks are completed it is as if there is just a shift from internal dialog to external. Time flows easy .. there is not a wrench between coming together and parting. It all seems to click together. It is a new sensation for me. Something I am not sure of yet .. but I can not dislike it. It gives me a sense of peace. A sense of belonging and there are only moments here and there when I realize how different it is from how it used to be. Most of the time I do not even realize it or mark it as a thought.
It simply is.
Despite this comfortable coloring of my vision I still feel as if there is so much more to know about her. So much to explore. I am eager and hungry for all the nooks and crannies that I am sure exist that I have not found. And in my questing I have not been disappointed. There is always something new .. some new understanding of her that I feel as if I have never discovered before. Some reaction of hers to something I say. Some opinion or like or dislike to some new thing that we discover in our life. Some new person or event that as we discuss .. speak of it ... I learn something new about the woman I have taken as my mate.
How long does this last? Is there a point where a man feels he knows completely the woman at his side? Is there a point where there is simply comfortable knowledge and faith built on solid experience? Or is this something that goes on forever? I have never questioned such a thing .. I have never known it was a question ... let alone asked it. Who would I ask?
It is something I ponder.
Sex with Seveya is never the same. There is a constant thread .. a feeling or emotion? perhaps that connects it to her as a person but ... the act is never the same. There are times of gentle love making that surprise me .. for it has never been my way. There are times of brutal possession .. a hungry devouring of all that is mine to take. I can lose myself in her for moments or hours and it seems that one is not better than the other. If I did not know better I would say I was mated to more than one woman .. perhaps it is the same feeling for her I do not know ... but it is only one of each of us. My name is Fonce. Her name is Seveya .. I know her and there is not a time I feel as if she is someone else exactly ... but yet I can not explain the fact that I never know what to expect. There is never a plan .. something takes hold of us both and we simply move with it .. moments afterward filled with the verbal exploration of our .. trip. One of us or the other will say something like ...
"Were you planning that?"
"No."
"Who told you how to do that?"
"No one."
"Did you like it?"
"Yes."
"Well fuck .. Lets do it again!"
But .. even when we try to do something in the same way .. it never remains so. It will amalgamate and change .. shift and form into something new.
Like music. Music is music but there are millions of melodies.. songs. New ways of putting the same notes together until the repertoire is endless.
How is it possible for a man to learn so much about a woman .. every day something new .. both mentally and physically.. and yet feel so blind and foolish when it comes to the constant expanding horizon of all the things he has yet to discover?
