The Power of Decision

What I do know is that she is mine.

That I have claimed and taken what is mine.

And the why .. just does not matter.

What I do know is that I have made a decision.

I know.

What it means is that I am bound by all my internal rules .. all I know of courage and honor ... of pride and loyalty .... these tiny ribbons of purpose have bound me to her as one being. She is to be considered as me. In all my wants and desires.. in all my needs and plans for the future ... she is to be weighed and not found wanting.

And this pleases me.

What .. however ... drove me out under the Sky away from the Harriga and the First Fires was the reality of something so long waited for that it no longer seemed .. real. A form within the void. A shadow given features .. and no it was not the binding of my heart and soul to her. This had been done .. this had been consummated hands ago. No .. it was Ayguili making it official. It was realizing that now is when I would lose everything. As always.

The Ubar had spoken. What more was the Sky waiting for before it took all I had away?

So I rode out under the stars .. each one a brilliant diamond on a dark Turian silk night. They reached down and touched me with cool caresses. The moons swollen and bloated hanging heavy upon the horizon.

And I waited.

I waited until the first pale reaches of morning slowly crept among the stalks of grass until I could see each one individually. Only then did the great Central Fire heave itself into the Sky and gold shards of light break across the plains bathing me as I sat with my thoughts and waited for Fate to make her move upon the kaissa board sweeping all I had worked for away and resetting my Destiny once more. How many times could one man begin again?

There are only so many things a man can lose.

It was not my fear of her or anything she could do. It was the fear of myself. All that I am capable of.. all that I have done and will do given half a reason..

... and by the Sky this woman is much more than half a reason to me.

It is that .. I know. That I have found within her an ability to make me feel. I am drunk with it. I am intoxicated and addicted to it. I want it so badly that I can sense a loss just from the taste of it. And I know what I will do to attain and keep it.

And now it is mine. But for how long? How long will she be here before the Sky takes her away?

Driven by the very force and intensity of my decision I can feel the Sky plotting against me in the vibrations of the plains beneath the paws of my kaiila. I can smell it in the soil as it warms beneath the Central Fire. I can hear it in the whisper of the wind within the grass.

And I wait.

As I wait here under the Sky .. though one arm be tied behind me with those ribbons of decision .. the other holds my lance for I will not give her up without a fight.