Of a Tuchuk Carnivor

Curio Doll

From strings suspended
A world upended
From all you knew before
I am the voice
your only choice..
The puppet master's whore

Eyes dulcet blue
I've stitched you true
Denial cannot hide..
Ocular pins
Of favorite sins
Hold your vision clarified.

Pretty poppet
Lonely cosset
What's in your garden fair?
A stained glass knife
Must drain the life
And not a memory spare.
A cricket's sigh
A love's goodbye
A tired starling's song
A raven's dance
Seen by chance
As the sparrow tags along.

Sweet marionette
Exquisite pet
What has brought you to this place?
Lullaby of dust
And playthings of rust
Dressed up in stolen lace

With painted cheeks
Your laughter reeks
Of tears you refuse to cry
Ribboned rings
And borrowed wings
In your attempts to fly

Pariah's tune
A wicked rune
Of micro managed sanity
Angel's lament
Is heaven sent....

But there is no reply.


© 2010

And the War Begins

.. anew

I Do Not Love You..Like I did Yesterday

As I look back .. weighing time and distance in my hands it feels as if so much has slipped through my fingers. There is a sudden increase in pressure in my temples and I feel a fear that I am not doing enough to value.. treasure... my time. But then memories and pictures begin to fill the void.. ease that pressure. So much packed into so little. Is it possible? I seem to have more memories.. more pictures in my mind than seems reasonable for the time I examine. How is it possible that I have shoved and packed so much into the moments?

The answer is simple. My mate Seveya is the difference. There is very little time for brooding.. loneliness... or bitter review of my life. Like a brilliant shaft of dawn she enters my night and chases away the shadows that creep about my thoughts. She seems to me to have more life than any one Tuchuk should have.. and she shares it willingly with those around her.

She is not just an Artisan by Clan. She is lives and breathes the colors.. she sees in creativity. A panoramic view of all the possibilities.

I did not loathe my life before I met Seveya. I am who I am and I am caught up in the same love of all around me.. like any Tuchuk. But I can say that my life did not contain that much color before. That much creative energy was not infused in my every day experience.

I can also say that at first it was a little unnerving to a man settled in his ways. I can say I was not always openly thankful for the infusion that interrupted my thought process. But I have come to value it. To look for it when it is not there.

I am a man who has a tendency to look back on life and regret time misspent. Time so full of the chores of living that it seems to have escaped me. My head down.. shoulder into the task. But this time .. I look back and I am shocked at how much that has been experienced in so short a time. There is no moment that I can say.. ah here I should have done something different. I would not change anything. In fact it seems a Spex's magic to me. Like taking the measurement of a wagon with my eyes and then stepping inside only to find it is five times bigger than it should be.

Today I look towards the future with an excitement that is new to me. An expectation of things to come. I do not feel the same about Seveya that I did yesterday .. and tomorrow? Sky only knows.

Ruffled Feathers

As I was talking and figuring out the direction of the future Seveya had wandered over to the Main Fires and both her and Silken seemed rather interested in said direction under discussion. I can certainly understand that .. it would impact them directly. It would flavor their lives in real ways and I am sure both of them were interested in putting their opinions on the table for just such a reason .. but neither one inserted themselves in the conversation. I know it was hard to hold their tongues but they did so.

And speaking of quality time with a certain someone .. there was just enough evening left to spend with Seveya and I directed her off away from the fires and the congestion of the harigga for a walk. A prettier night you could not have wished for .. even if it was a little on the cool side. The crisp air just gave the moons light a little more silver and we needed no more light than that to find our way.

Our talk at first centered around the discussion of the Grays and what that meant for the two of us. I was pleased she was happy with my decision to let Ash handle the reins of the Tribe as apposed to telling him I could do it better. We were both curious to see where Ash would lead us and how he would lead us. I am comfortable with the fact Seveya had no desire to push me towards any more power .. any more responsibility. There are a lot of women who would .. who would want their mate to take up such a position and find the shelter of it attractive to themselves. But not Seveya and .. I am relieved.

Could I survive if our priorities were not matched to the yoke well? Of course .. but it would be just that much harder and who in their right mind wants it to be any harder than it has to be? We were going to find enough forks in our trail to haggle over and I was glad this was not one of them.

We spoke of Silken and how jumpy she was .. whether or not she was all right and whether or not she was going to be able to shoulder all the burdens and responsibilities of the position Ash had just taken up. He has been doing it .. but it was not official and this put a new spin on it. There was going to be a lot for her to deal with both for herself as Ubara and as Ash's mate. The woman will suffer along with her man .. and believe me I know just how much suffering Ash has signed up for. Of course every man is different and perhaps Ash will thrive under the pressure. It is just not in me to want to guide and lead and watch over people when all they do is nag at me about how they want me to do it different. Which is why I never did finish the lessons Oren was so set on teaching me while herding verr.

I hate verr.

It was while we were speaking of the past and all the things I was hoping to side step as long as there was someone fired up to do it when I rubbed Seveya all up the wrong way and ruffled her feathers. It took her a moment to catch on I did it on purpose and that my eyes were laughing at her the entire time she strutted around throwing threats this way and that and she set to prophesying something fierce about certain people's near futures .. when she finally caught on and then all that got directed right at me. She blew my hair back with her response and that got me to chuckling deep inside my chest.

I can not help stirring up her embers. Adding fuel to those coals until they catch and flame up .. start to roaring and crackling. The woman I chose is one fine spirited Tuchuk and by the Sky I can not find it in me to waste an opportunity to wind it up and set it off.

Been There .. Done That

Now I guess I have been going along for a while just comfortable with how things are and not needing to throw myself into the business of others. I never was one to need to know things before everyone else and I am just as pleased to get the knowing at the same time. So it never bothered me that Ayguili was not throwing orders to me personally .. or changing the ones I had. I just did what I do every day and figured no new orders meant the ones I had were working just fine.

I have a great respect for Ay .. but as I have said he and I have had our differences and our friendship has taken a few hits here and there so he was not a man I sought out of late when it came time to socialize around the dinner fire. Now none of those at the First Fires is under my direct command and there was no need to go tell anyone what to do there either they do not appreciate it when I do and none of them have called on me for help with anything. So when I started getting the talk about Ash stepping in I was not too lit up to go and investigate it .. what for? As I said .. one way or another things would get to me eventually as to what I needed to do or not do as the case may be.

But finally curiosity got the better of me and I veered off towards the main fires. Now I have done that a few times here and there but did not happen upon anyone. This time I did however .. Silken had a huge bonfire going ... enough to be a pyre for some Ubar. Now it is coolish these days but we are north and closer to the equator than the Turian plains and things are not as frozen .. I mean that is why we come north to get away from the deep freeze south of us... but I guess Silken is feeling the cold this year.

She had not seen Ay .. she said for some time and I asked her if Ash was around and she told me he was due soon so I hung around some to ask him directly where the land lay and how we were to proceed through the coming days.

When Ash did arrive I asked him if he had claimed the grays seeing that Ay has not been around. He said no .. they were not his to claim. Well .. the thing is they are for any Tuchuk to claim. Any Tuchuk who has the balls and the strength to do so. That is how we do things and if you think you have it .. you bring it on and you either take the grays or you die trying. The question seemed to me to be rather strait forward .. as did my next question. Did he want them?

Well Ash set to hemming and hawing and it was like pulling a big fat molar with extra roots to get an answer from him. He wanted to know how I felt about it seeing as Ay left me as second in command. Well .. being Ubar holds no special place for me. Just none at all. I have been there and I have done that and got nothing for it. Nothing but a lot of headaches and shredded ears for all the chewing they took. Could I? Would I? Sure .. not in me to shirk a responsibility but since Ash jumped right in there and appeared to be doing a great job at it as well as liking the doing of it ... why not let him? I was certainly not going to challenge him for the position that he seemed to have taken up with relish. I just do not have a desire in me for it. And I told him so.

Well it still took me some doing to get out of him that he wanted it. That he would claim the grays and I was pleased enough to at least get a solid direction from him. I asked him what he wanted from me .. as in ... my position and rank. He told me to just consider myself as I was before .. to continue. I guess Ash felt that what worked did not need to be messed with .. or something.

So I mean to do just that .. continue. I do not know what changes and shifts the Tribe will take under Ash. Right now he is just feeling the newness of the position and getting it settled on his shoulders. Sooner or later he will begin to stretch out in it and see how it fits and that is as it should be.

Now for me there is just no shiny gold buried on the top side of those grays and even if there was I just have not even a tiny Paravaci inclination to have it for myself. The grays are a cruel mistress that take from a man and give little in return. They bleed him dry of most everything he has for the good of the whole.

Now I have something I do not want to be bled for. I have something that means enough to me to make me hesitate to sacrifice myself. As a single man I did my duty and served my time and bled all I have to give and now .. that kind of time and energy is for someone else. A one someone else that has pledged herself to walk beside me. She did not step into that place with me to watch me take care of everyone else while she sits alone. Would she? Sure .. she would give for the whole if asked but if there is no need? Why would I do that to her?

She needs me and ..

...I do not plan on letting her down .. not for one moment.

Of Leadership

Now things in my life have been going along rather well lately. Busy .. but then when has my life not been so? I have not had time for much other than my Command .. my Clan and Seveya. My commitment to her only growing stronger each day.

I have heard nothing from Ayguili in a long time. Nor of anyone else around the First Fires. I have been here .. just not seen a lot. No one has sent a message needing me .. calling me in from the herds .. or my wagon. I have received no message from the Ubar Ayguili to report and I have had my hands full with making a life for myself and I have not tracked him down either.

Now I have heard that Ash has been directing things lately .. the move specifically and perhaps other things. I have no knowledge of why or how .. perhaps Ayguili put him in charge of such things. It was never my place to question only to do as I have been given to do .. and I have done that.

If Ash has taken over for Ayguili I am sure he will let me know when the time is right and let me know if my orders have changed from those Ayguili gave me. Until then I will do as I have been .. follow orders and take care of my responsibilities.

If Ash has claimed the grays it will not be the first time my Command has changed nor will it be the last time I am sure. I am still a rather young man for a Tuchuk and I have a lot of life left to stretch out before me. The life span of an Ubar is not always that long and I am pleased enough to have survived the position myself and I mean to put the rest of my time to good use. However long that may be .. stuff just as much into it as I can.

smirk

The Move

and so begins the epic Tuchuk race north in the attempt to beat the snows and ice ..

.. did you see that? I swear I just saw a ....

Psst .. Fonce we are there..

huh ...and so ends the epic Tuchuk race north.

All That Tuchuk Slave in One Look

There is another woman in my life .. the slave Catch. There are times I overlook her or forget about her completely. I am afraid she learned that about me quite early on. But then there are other times when she impacts me .. creeps into my thoughts and I go hunting her down if she is not at my feet. She always seems shocked when I do .. as if I never do ... though I suppose I do understand her surprise for the whys and wheres are never the same nor do they follow any pattern that a person could study and anticipate. But that is my way .. it always has been.

Whether it is at the slave wagon I find her .. or standing beside the cooking fires. Whether she is taken as a sex slave or sent on some menial task. Whether I command her to me with a known secure tone to my feet or whether she sees me bearing down on her on kaiila and takes off at a run like a startled vulo .. a chase that always ends the same... it does not seem to matter. She always seems refreshingly startled. Perhaps it is something she has learned from the other slaves .. whether it is learned or her nature I find the heightened color .. the liquefying eyes ... the sharp intake of breath ... altogether attractive and enticing.

Catch is the only slave I have now .. the others gone here or there. She has continued to turn up though and presents little trouble to me which has allowed her to claim her place at my feet time and time again. And the pleasure of her there grows. The comfortable place she carves for herself with me becomes more and more secure. It would be hard for me to imagine my life without her .. which I suppose is the goal most slaves seek to attain but few reach.

It was sometime last spring .. when the flowers were abundant and the grass green and the Central Fire's warmth was a blessing upon winter cooled shoulders while the rains were still abundant ... when I began at times to allow Catch to sleep in my wagon. She has a place near the foot of my couch where Seveya and I sleep. Apart from us but within hearing of a whispered command to approach. Seveya can order her back to the slave wagon whenever she wishes the two of us to be alone .. but if the command is not given to sleep away Catch has her own small bed as a part of my wagon.

Now that command to approach our couch is never given by me in these circumstances. It is only given by Seveya as our bed is the one place that I will not take Catch sexually without the invitation of Seveya. Now in the slave wagon .. or anywhere else in camp it is my prerogative and I do as I please. It is not given often .. that invitation to our bed ... but when it is .. it is offered with the knowledge that all three of us understand the places each hold and no one will forget it.

Catch will never be my mate .. she will never bear me a child nor will she hold a place at my side shouldering the responsibilities .. the decisions that shape our future. Her future is decided by myself and I do not consult her on it. She must follow .. and not only me .. she must juggle my demands with Seveya's expectations of her. And she must do this with grace and poise and a tight rein on emotions and attitudes that I know and understand crop up in any human's heart .. but it is still demanded and expected.

It is a hard place to be .. a hard balance to keep ... and yet she does so very well in my opinion..

.... and mine is the one that counts.

Catch is the woman that .. should I feel the urge ... I will chase down from the back of a kaiila and strip and use her harshly wherever she falls to the bolo.. that I will throw over a water barrel in the middle of camp and use her until she begs for mercy ... always good for my ego ... and she is the one I will give to another man should the idea appeal to me. She is the public side of my sexuality .. the part that others know about ... see or hear or taste for themselves.

She is a slave .. but more than that ... she is a Tuchuk slave and she carries her burdens and privileges as a Tuchuk slave should. With fire and ice .. arrogance and submission ... in perfect balance.

And she shows her success in this with a glance she throws at you when she is not thinking about it.

I love that look.