I Do Not Love You..Like I did Yesterday

As I look back .. weighing time and distance in my hands it feels as if so much has slipped through my fingers. There is a sudden increase in pressure in my temples and I feel a fear that I am not doing enough to value.. treasure... my time. But then memories and pictures begin to fill the void.. ease that pressure. So much packed into so little. Is it possible? I seem to have more memories.. more pictures in my mind than seems reasonable for the time I examine. How is it possible that I have shoved and packed so much into the moments?

The answer is simple. My mate Seveya is the difference. There is very little time for brooding.. loneliness... or bitter review of my life. Like a brilliant shaft of dawn she enters my night and chases away the shadows that creep about my thoughts. She seems to me to have more life than any one Tuchuk should have.. and she shares it willingly with those around her.

She is not just an Artisan by Clan. She is lives and breathes the colors.. she sees in creativity. A panoramic view of all the possibilities.

I did not loathe my life before I met Seveya. I am who I am and I am caught up in the same love of all around me.. like any Tuchuk. But I can say that my life did not contain that much color before. That much creative energy was not infused in my every day experience.

I can also say that at first it was a little unnerving to a man settled in his ways. I can say I was not always openly thankful for the infusion that interrupted my thought process. But I have come to value it. To look for it when it is not there.

I am a man who has a tendency to look back on life and regret time misspent. Time so full of the chores of living that it seems to have escaped me. My head down.. shoulder into the task. But this time .. I look back and I am shocked at how much that has been experienced in so short a time. There is no moment that I can say.. ah here I should have done something different. I would not change anything. In fact it seems a Spex's magic to me. Like taking the measurement of a wagon with my eyes and then stepping inside only to find it is five times bigger than it should be.

Today I look towards the future with an excitement that is new to me. An expectation of things to come. I do not feel the same about Seveya that I did yesterday .. and tomorrow? Sky only knows.