Now I guess I have been going along for a while just comfortable with how things are and not needing to throw myself into the business of others. I never was one to need to know things before everyone else and I am just as pleased to get the knowing at the same time. So it never bothered me that Ayguili was not throwing orders to me personally .. or changing the ones I had. I just did what I do every day and figured no new orders meant the ones I had were working just fine.
I have a great respect for Ay .. but as I have said he and I have had our differences and our friendship has taken a few hits here and there so he was not a man I sought out of late when it came time to socialize around the dinner fire. Now none of those at the First Fires is under my direct command and there was no need to go tell anyone what to do there either they do not appreciate it when I do and none of them have called on me for help with anything. So when I started getting the talk about Ash stepping in I was not too lit up to go and investigate it .. what for? As I said .. one way or another things would get to me eventually as to what I needed to do or not do as the case may be.
But finally curiosity got the better of me and I veered off towards the main fires. Now I have done that a few times here and there but did not happen upon anyone. This time I did however .. Silken had a huge bonfire going ... enough to be a pyre for some Ubar. Now it is coolish these days but we are north and closer to the equator than the Turian plains and things are not as frozen .. I mean that is why we come north to get away from the deep freeze south of us... but I guess Silken is feeling the cold this year.
She had not seen Ay .. she said for some time and I asked her if Ash was around and she told me he was due soon so I hung around some to ask him directly where the land lay and how we were to proceed through the coming days.
When Ash did arrive I asked him if he had claimed the grays seeing that Ay has not been around. He said no .. they were not his to claim. Well .. the thing is they are for any Tuchuk to claim. Any Tuchuk who has the balls and the strength to do so. That is how we do things and if you think you have it .. you bring it on and you either take the grays or you die trying. The question seemed to me to be rather strait forward .. as did my next question. Did he want them?
Well Ash set to hemming and hawing and it was like pulling a big fat molar with extra roots to get an answer from him. He wanted to know how I felt about it seeing as Ay left me as second in command. Well .. being Ubar holds no special place for me. Just none at all. I have been there and I have done that and got nothing for it. Nothing but a lot of headaches and shredded ears for all the chewing they took. Could I? Would I? Sure .. not in me to shirk a responsibility but since Ash jumped right in there and appeared to be doing a great job at it as well as liking the doing of it ... why not let him? I was certainly not going to challenge him for the position that he seemed to have taken up with relish. I just do not have a desire in me for it. And I told him so.
Well it still took me some doing to get out of him that he wanted it. That he would claim the grays and I was pleased enough to at least get a solid direction from him. I asked him what he wanted from me .. as in ... my position and rank. He told me to just consider myself as I was before .. to continue. I guess Ash felt that what worked did not need to be messed with .. or something.
So I mean to do just that .. continue. I do not know what changes and shifts the Tribe will take under Ash. Right now he is just feeling the newness of the position and getting it settled on his shoulders. Sooner or later he will begin to stretch out in it and see how it fits and that is as it should be.
Now for me there is just no shiny gold buried on the top side of those grays and even if there was I just have not even a tiny Paravaci inclination to have it for myself. The grays are a cruel mistress that take from a man and give little in return. They bleed him dry of most everything he has for the good of the whole.
Now I have something I do not want to be bled for. I have something that means enough to me to make me hesitate to sacrifice myself. As a single man I did my duty and served my time and bled all I have to give and now .. that kind of time and energy is for someone else. A one someone else that has pledged herself to walk beside me. She did not step into that place with me to watch me take care of everyone else while she sits alone. Would she? Sure .. she would give for the whole if asked but if there is no need? Why would I do that to her?
She needs me and ..
...I do not plan on letting her down .. not for one moment.
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