Never Again ..
I told her sad and pleading eyes.
Never Again ...
I reminded her of my failure and the piece of me left behind on a lonely dream trek .. beside a frozen statue of beauty. A Beauty I could not save .. a Beauty that I lost ... My mortal .. feeble attempts had not been enough. Not enough to save her .. to bring her back. She was still there. I see her now .. in the desert sometimes. A ghost .. a frozen reminder.
A reminder to .. never do it again.
But Marrianne was not listening to me. She was not getting how I felt. She wanted one thing .. and one thing only. She wanted her daughter out of that place she was in. And she wanted me .. to go in and get her out.
She tried to tell me of things like .. belief ... faith ....love... good things. Things I have no connection with. Things that I only know pieces of and not enough to carry me through to anything substantial.
Then she spoke of courage and honor .. now these things I could not argue with .. I could not deny nor could I set aside for my own comfort. These things touched me .. where the others could not.
And I listened.
She told me how she could not get in ... she told me I was the one person she knew of that held enough of this darkness that I could find my way there .. that I would not be shut out .. a kindred spirit .... of sorts.
That .. hurt me a little to hear. To know ... not because I did not know .. but to know it from her lips .... it was not easy.
I told Marrianne I would face my fears .. that I would go in. That I would prepare .. and I would meet her here when I had what I needed ... when I was ready.
She told me she would go with me across the desert .. but that she could not go further ... she could not get into the place where Cana was held. It was too dark .. too negative ... she needed some thread of positive and there was none there. I .. however ... needed no such thing.
I had been .. in that place. I knew that place .. places like it. They were a part of me. It was not the place .. that disturbed me ... it was my failure. It was the frore eyes that still haunted me to this day. Tore at the tender most places in my heart and I felt the ache of lost dreams clear to the marrow of my bones.
Marrianne's view .. is different than mine. She sits above it all a little .. unmarred .. untouched by the fetid.. rotting ... acidic pools below. The places where I move and breathe and survive. I am her mercenary .. her tool ... to get her daughter back to the safety of the plains. I understand her single mindedness .. I understand her concern and her intent. And despite the gelid sightless eyes that will follow me ... I will do this thing for her and for my friend.
I told her sad and pleading eyes.
Never Again ...
I reminded her of my failure and the piece of me left behind on a lonely dream trek .. beside a frozen statue of beauty. A Beauty I could not save .. a Beauty that I lost ... My mortal .. feeble attempts had not been enough. Not enough to save her .. to bring her back. She was still there. I see her now .. in the desert sometimes. A ghost .. a frozen reminder.
A reminder to .. never do it again.
But Marrianne was not listening to me. She was not getting how I felt. She wanted one thing .. and one thing only. She wanted her daughter out of that place she was in. And she wanted me .. to go in and get her out.
She tried to tell me of things like .. belief ... faith ....love... good things. Things I have no connection with. Things that I only know pieces of and not enough to carry me through to anything substantial.
Then she spoke of courage and honor .. now these things I could not argue with .. I could not deny nor could I set aside for my own comfort. These things touched me .. where the others could not.
And I listened.
She told me how she could not get in ... she told me I was the one person she knew of that held enough of this darkness that I could find my way there .. that I would not be shut out .. a kindred spirit .... of sorts.
That .. hurt me a little to hear. To know ... not because I did not know .. but to know it from her lips .... it was not easy.
I told Marrianne I would face my fears .. that I would go in. That I would prepare .. and I would meet her here when I had what I needed ... when I was ready.
She told me she would go with me across the desert .. but that she could not go further ... she could not get into the place where Cana was held. It was too dark .. too negative ... she needed some thread of positive and there was none there. I .. however ... needed no such thing.
I had been .. in that place. I knew that place .. places like it. They were a part of me. It was not the place .. that disturbed me ... it was my failure. It was the frore eyes that still haunted me to this day. Tore at the tender most places in my heart and I felt the ache of lost dreams clear to the marrow of my bones.
Marrianne's view .. is different than mine. She sits above it all a little .. unmarred .. untouched by the fetid.. rotting ... acidic pools below. The places where I move and breathe and survive. I am her mercenary .. her tool ... to get her daughter back to the safety of the plains. I understand her single mindedness .. I understand her concern and her intent. And despite the gelid sightless eyes that will follow me ... I will do this thing for her and for my friend.
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