So .. I ventured near the Fires. It has been awhile and as usual after an absence I was quiet and allowed most of the conversations to wash over and passed me ... simply basking in the company of the First Fires family.
Mezoo asked me if I knew a warrior by name of Sahnka .. I told her I had heard of him but I had yet to meet him personally. She said he was very upset about some things and she had suggested he take them to the Ubar. I told her that sounded like good advice to me ... being Second in Command if Ayguili was not around I would be more than happy to listen to his grievances if he cared to share them. I am not sure why he voiced them to a woman .. perhaps he thought Mezoo had the Ubar's ear .. which I am sure she does but hopefully she uses that ear for far more interesting words than someone else's bitching.
Soon after that Ayguili showed up .. he seems to like Red and I noticed that. He ordered her to spend time with his slave .. and teach her a few things. I noticed that to. Interesting. Perhaps I will give Red to him .. he seems to feel rather comfortable with her .. with the management of her time. Something to consider. Perhaps Red would make a good camp slave .. or even a personal slave to Ayguili depending on the strength of that relationship I see.
Then it was Sahnka who approached the Fires .. but instead of airing some grievances he asked for a woman. Someone to replace his murdered mate .. someone who had recently experienced a loss of her own. Knowing this .. Ayguili did not question how they could have forged a relationship based on love so soon .. he simply accepted the answers that there was love. Instant love. A sour taste spread over my tongue. Why did he not ask Sahnka if he could provide for this woman? Was that not more important? How he would feed her .. care for her ... and the children. Did he have bosk? A wagon? Was this the kind of love he was waiting for me to speak of for Seveya?
I was driven from the fires. My temper .. my mood taking a sharp spiral downward. I like Ayguili .. I respect him as Ubar. But right now .. in my head he makes no sense to me. There is no logic I can grasp .. no consistency in his words. Does that mean Ayguili is wrong? No .. just means me .. Fonce ... does not understand yet. Perhaps he is wrong .. perhaps I am wrong ... I do not know.
That left me seeking my own company .. down by the stream. The little bone flute toyed in my fingers .. some of the parts worn smoother than others by my callused hands. I remembered teaching Juu's boys how to play it. And yet anything other than the most simple of tunes still escape me. I am not sure why I remembered that .. why it was on my mind ... but I mourned them again. Their innocent lives cut short by such violence. But they died well .. it is enough to ask.
I heard her running steps .. the swish and snap of leather skirt did not mask the step I have learned to know. She only paused once she came to the edge of the steam and I asked from the darkness if she was running away from something ... or running to something.
She made it clear who she was running to .. though there was more in her step than that .. and I asked her what gave her boots such swiftness. She told me it was hard to sit and listen to bride prices and talk of love without me there to buffer it a little. I apologized for not thinking of her .. before I left. I was not sure it would effect her .. as it did me. I suppose I know now.
I told her it was hard .. to give her up and still ... feel as I did. She told me she considered herself mine .. no matter what anyone said. We spoke of honor and obedience to the laws and that we were being such good Tuchuk .. and how much that sucked ass.
I admitted to her that despite the fact it was hard .. that I had missed her. Not something I admit to many very often .. or at all.
huh
She told me she had missed me also .. so much in fact that she had a dream. Well .. that was my kind of subject and so with a chuckle I asked her to tell me of this dream. The more she told me .. the more I was fucking thankful for the darkness around us. The fact she could not see my expressions or read my eyes. I covered up my shock by poking a little fun at her .. asking her details ... making her blush. It kept the conversation light .. about the dream anyway.
I have got to be more careful.
Before I realized it .. I let a question fall from my mouth ... something that had been scratching at the inside of my skull trying to get out. I asked her .. what if Ayguili never gave his concent ... what then?
It wiped away the gentle laughter about the dream. Which also worked for me .. the change of subject. She considered my question seriously before she answered ... she told me she had not allowed herself to even think of that possibility. That even now as she spoke of it .. she was fighting with herself to even get out the words to address it. She told me she did not understand what exactly Ayguili wanted from us. She told me that she loved me .. in the way that worked for her and that she knew I felt for her in the way that worked for me. But that such things would always be judged by others.
I told her that .. I did not understand it completely myself. Love was not usually a condition for a bride price. But that I would have to deal with it .. obviously. I told her that Ayguili had spoken of his wish to talk to her of these things .. that I had asked him not to mention I had asked for her bride price ... but then I had told her myself.
figures .. still blame it on the paga
She told me she was nervous about the idea of Ayguili talking to her of these things. That she was sure he would try to convince her it was all in her best interest ... but that it would be hard to convince her that anything that kept her away from me ... could be in her best interest.
I told her that perhaps he merely wished to hear her words .. as he had heard mine. That he had a right to be heard himself .. to speak for himself. She told me she had a lot to say to him if he had an ear to listen. She felt sure he had seen how miserable she was without me. I reminded her I would much rather him be protective of her .. than to be as he had been. If I had to choose one way or the other ... at least I knew she was thought of and held with a protective hand.
She pouted quite prettily in the moons light with that. She asked me why Ayguili thought I was someone that she needed to be protected from. I reminded her that most people thought I was someone to protect people from. That Ayguili was just one more person in a long line of people that felt that way about me. I no longer feel anger about it. I accept it.
We spoke of love .. this love that had become such an issue not only between us but for others concerning us. We spoke of ideals and theories and logistics .. the logistics being my contribution to the conversation. She asked me if I had ever felt this way before. I told her I had mated twice .. but that Fate .. the Sky ... whatever you wanted to call it had intervened both times and it was not to be. I told her that perhaps it was good that Ayguili had refused his consent ... might mean both of us would be around for a while.
She told me to claim her before the Sky .. to challenge the Sky right then and there ... she wanted to fight the Sky and the idea that such a thing would cause us not to be. That she would prove the theory wrong.
I gently reminded her that the Sky was a great warrior .. an enemy I respected. That I would not mock the Sky .. the Sky had bested me in too many battles for me to do such with honor. Challenge? Yes I challenge the Sky all the time and I would do so with her .. when the time was right.
She fell into silence and I questioned her .. feeling her fall away from me. She told me she was frustrated ... she did not know how to problem solve the feelings she was having. That the continued frustration of not understanding was driving deep within her and causing her to feel things more acutely. I told her she needed to hear Ayguili's words. Not that I had any expectation it would help .. help other than for her not to be so separated from the words. At least she would hear them for herself .. know them and we would be on even ground.
It was her turn to ask me what was wrong and I told her. I told her I was lost a little in my head. I felt like I was going in circles .. as if I had started for the Northern Plains but .. I kept passing Turia ... over and over and not getting anywhere.
She told me she felt much the same way .. held down ... restrained.
I said so .. what is the answer? If you are trying to get to the Northern Plains but all you do is .. pass Turia? She said .. make camp? I said .. at least enjoy the view of Turia .... I suppose. She said we could make the best of it .. with that tone like she was trying to sound much more chipper than she felt.
I asked her .. if she meant I should stop trying to avoid her?
She gave me a lot of reasons not to avoid her .. even mixed in some logic. Logic from a woman? What next? I asked her if it meant that much to her .. she made it clear to me it did. No matter that we were locked in this "Never Ending Turia Loop of Nothing" ... could it not be ... something? Perhaps not as much as either of us wanted .. but could it not still be ... something?
So .. after teasing her without mercy ... I gave her my word I would not do so .. would not avoid her on purpose. No matter ... come what may ...
.. we would always have Turia.
Mezoo asked me if I knew a warrior by name of Sahnka .. I told her I had heard of him but I had yet to meet him personally. She said he was very upset about some things and she had suggested he take them to the Ubar. I told her that sounded like good advice to me ... being Second in Command if Ayguili was not around I would be more than happy to listen to his grievances if he cared to share them. I am not sure why he voiced them to a woman .. perhaps he thought Mezoo had the Ubar's ear .. which I am sure she does but hopefully she uses that ear for far more interesting words than someone else's bitching.
Soon after that Ayguili showed up .. he seems to like Red and I noticed that. He ordered her to spend time with his slave .. and teach her a few things. I noticed that to. Interesting. Perhaps I will give Red to him .. he seems to feel rather comfortable with her .. with the management of her time. Something to consider. Perhaps Red would make a good camp slave .. or even a personal slave to Ayguili depending on the strength of that relationship I see.
Then it was Sahnka who approached the Fires .. but instead of airing some grievances he asked for a woman. Someone to replace his murdered mate .. someone who had recently experienced a loss of her own. Knowing this .. Ayguili did not question how they could have forged a relationship based on love so soon .. he simply accepted the answers that there was love. Instant love. A sour taste spread over my tongue. Why did he not ask Sahnka if he could provide for this woman? Was that not more important? How he would feed her .. care for her ... and the children. Did he have bosk? A wagon? Was this the kind of love he was waiting for me to speak of for Seveya?
I was driven from the fires. My temper .. my mood taking a sharp spiral downward. I like Ayguili .. I respect him as Ubar. But right now .. in my head he makes no sense to me. There is no logic I can grasp .. no consistency in his words. Does that mean Ayguili is wrong? No .. just means me .. Fonce ... does not understand yet. Perhaps he is wrong .. perhaps I am wrong ... I do not know.
That left me seeking my own company .. down by the stream. The little bone flute toyed in my fingers .. some of the parts worn smoother than others by my callused hands. I remembered teaching Juu's boys how to play it. And yet anything other than the most simple of tunes still escape me. I am not sure why I remembered that .. why it was on my mind ... but I mourned them again. Their innocent lives cut short by such violence. But they died well .. it is enough to ask.
I heard her running steps .. the swish and snap of leather skirt did not mask the step I have learned to know. She only paused once she came to the edge of the steam and I asked from the darkness if she was running away from something ... or running to something.
She made it clear who she was running to .. though there was more in her step than that .. and I asked her what gave her boots such swiftness. She told me it was hard to sit and listen to bride prices and talk of love without me there to buffer it a little. I apologized for not thinking of her .. before I left. I was not sure it would effect her .. as it did me. I suppose I know now.
I told her it was hard .. to give her up and still ... feel as I did. She told me she considered herself mine .. no matter what anyone said. We spoke of honor and obedience to the laws and that we were being such good Tuchuk .. and how much that sucked ass.
I admitted to her that despite the fact it was hard .. that I had missed her. Not something I admit to many very often .. or at all.
huh
She told me she had missed me also .. so much in fact that she had a dream. Well .. that was my kind of subject and so with a chuckle I asked her to tell me of this dream. The more she told me .. the more I was fucking thankful for the darkness around us. The fact she could not see my expressions or read my eyes. I covered up my shock by poking a little fun at her .. asking her details ... making her blush. It kept the conversation light .. about the dream anyway.
I have got to be more careful.
Before I realized it .. I let a question fall from my mouth ... something that had been scratching at the inside of my skull trying to get out. I asked her .. what if Ayguili never gave his concent ... what then?
It wiped away the gentle laughter about the dream. Which also worked for me .. the change of subject. She considered my question seriously before she answered ... she told me she had not allowed herself to even think of that possibility. That even now as she spoke of it .. she was fighting with herself to even get out the words to address it. She told me she did not understand what exactly Ayguili wanted from us. She told me that she loved me .. in the way that worked for her and that she knew I felt for her in the way that worked for me. But that such things would always be judged by others.
I told her that .. I did not understand it completely myself. Love was not usually a condition for a bride price. But that I would have to deal with it .. obviously. I told her that Ayguili had spoken of his wish to talk to her of these things .. that I had asked him not to mention I had asked for her bride price ... but then I had told her myself.
figures .. still blame it on the paga
She told me she was nervous about the idea of Ayguili talking to her of these things. That she was sure he would try to convince her it was all in her best interest ... but that it would be hard to convince her that anything that kept her away from me ... could be in her best interest.
I told her that perhaps he merely wished to hear her words .. as he had heard mine. That he had a right to be heard himself .. to speak for himself. She told me she had a lot to say to him if he had an ear to listen. She felt sure he had seen how miserable she was without me. I reminded her I would much rather him be protective of her .. than to be as he had been. If I had to choose one way or the other ... at least I knew she was thought of and held with a protective hand.
She pouted quite prettily in the moons light with that. She asked me why Ayguili thought I was someone that she needed to be protected from. I reminded her that most people thought I was someone to protect people from. That Ayguili was just one more person in a long line of people that felt that way about me. I no longer feel anger about it. I accept it.
We spoke of love .. this love that had become such an issue not only between us but for others concerning us. We spoke of ideals and theories and logistics .. the logistics being my contribution to the conversation. She asked me if I had ever felt this way before. I told her I had mated twice .. but that Fate .. the Sky ... whatever you wanted to call it had intervened both times and it was not to be. I told her that perhaps it was good that Ayguili had refused his consent ... might mean both of us would be around for a while.
She told me to claim her before the Sky .. to challenge the Sky right then and there ... she wanted to fight the Sky and the idea that such a thing would cause us not to be. That she would prove the theory wrong.
I gently reminded her that the Sky was a great warrior .. an enemy I respected. That I would not mock the Sky .. the Sky had bested me in too many battles for me to do such with honor. Challenge? Yes I challenge the Sky all the time and I would do so with her .. when the time was right.
She fell into silence and I questioned her .. feeling her fall away from me. She told me she was frustrated ... she did not know how to problem solve the feelings she was having. That the continued frustration of not understanding was driving deep within her and causing her to feel things more acutely. I told her she needed to hear Ayguili's words. Not that I had any expectation it would help .. help other than for her not to be so separated from the words. At least she would hear them for herself .. know them and we would be on even ground.
It was her turn to ask me what was wrong and I told her. I told her I was lost a little in my head. I felt like I was going in circles .. as if I had started for the Northern Plains but .. I kept passing Turia ... over and over and not getting anywhere.
She told me she felt much the same way .. held down ... restrained.
I said so .. what is the answer? If you are trying to get to the Northern Plains but all you do is .. pass Turia? She said .. make camp? I said .. at least enjoy the view of Turia .... I suppose. She said we could make the best of it .. with that tone like she was trying to sound much more chipper than she felt.
I asked her .. if she meant I should stop trying to avoid her?
She gave me a lot of reasons not to avoid her .. even mixed in some logic. Logic from a woman? What next? I asked her if it meant that much to her .. she made it clear to me it did. No matter that we were locked in this "Never Ending Turia Loop of Nothing" ... could it not be ... something? Perhaps not as much as either of us wanted .. but could it not still be ... something?
So .. after teasing her without mercy ... I gave her my word I would not do so .. would not avoid her on purpose. No matter ... come what may ...
.. we would always have Turia.
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